Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships

I can remember the day when online dating was bordering along the lines of taboo.  But today, it is socially acceptable, and sometimes encouraged, to use online dating sites and social media platforms to meet people.  As a parent of a child who will be entering the "boys are cute" phase in the next couple of years, I am frightened by the dating world she will fall into, mainly because things have changed so much and technology is now used in their dating relationships.  I love the quote by C.J. Pascoe stating, "Young people are at the forefront of developing, using, reworking and incorporating new media into their dating practices in ways that might be unknown, unfamiliar and sometimes even scary to adults."(pg.14)   I can identify with the statement, and I am scared.  I don't know if I'm being an overprotective mom, but I feel like I need to stay one step ahead of my preteen daughter.  The Pew Research Center released a report on 10/1/2015 entitled Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships on how teens are using technology in their dating relationships.  Here are some interesting fact every parent should know:
  
Lenhart, A., Smith, A., & Anderson, M. (2015, October). Numbers, Facts and Trends Shaping the World: Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships. Pew Research Center.

1.  Most teens date people they have actually met in person.  A quarter have said that they have dated someone they meet online.  They mainly use Facebook to meet other teens and sometimes Instagram.
My Take:  Keepin' it old school.  I like that.

2. Teens use social media sites to scout out potential prospects.  They generally use the "friend of a friend" approach and ask friends about their friends and who would be a good candidate to date.
My Take: It's always good to get a referral.

3.  Teens use social media sites to research about a potential romantic interest.  They will start with Facebook and venture off into their Instagram, Twitters, Snapchat, etc.  But, they prefer to do it incognito.
My Take:  It's always good to do a background check.

4.  How do teens flirt?  Besides the traditional way of talking to someone face to face, teens use social media by friending, liking, or commenting.  Generally speaking, older teens are more likely to flirt online than younger teens.  Sometimes the flirting can make teens feel uncomfortable, especially girls.  They will resort to blocking or unfriending those who feel like "stalkers".
My Take:  Flirting is online is okay as long as your stay within reasonable boundaries.

5.  Most teens like to be asked out on a date in person.  Girls prefer the boys to initiate contact. Older teens will ask for themselves, while younger teens will usually employ a friend to go ask the girl out on a date for them.
My Take:  Again, keepin' it old school.  If it's not broken, don't fix it.

6.  When it comes to digital platforms, text messaging is the most common ways teens reach out to each other on a daily basis and girls use text messaging more than boys.  They do enjoy being together face to face and talking on the phone.  But, when that is not possible, they are big users of video chatting. 
My Take: Daily communication is apart of developing a relationship, but keeping it within reasonable boundaries is important.  

7.  What kind of information do they share online?  Funny and humorous information leads the way with other innocuous information like what they are thinking about and what they are doing.  Very few share their religious and political views.
My Take: Keep it funny and humorous.  Everyone needs a good laugh during their day. Don't share everything.  Keep the "mystery" alive.

8.  Teens like immediate responses to their text messages, photos and tweets.  Failure to do so is considered avoidance and that something is wrong.
My Take: I know I like a quick response, but people are busy.  Just because it's not immediate does it mean that something is wrong. 

9.  Teen feel social media can help connect with their romantic interests, yet it only has a minimal impact on their relationship.  It's mainly used to connect on a more emotional level.  However, on the flip side, it can promote jealously and some feel that it makes their relationships too public.
My Take:  Not sure how I feel about this one.  I feel social media does play an important part in teens relationships.  

10.  How do teens break up?  Most feel the most acceptable way is to break up face-to-face.  Using the telephone to breakup comes in second.  Using text messaging and social media platforms are considered undesirable and the worst is changing your relationship status on a social media site.
My Take:  If you are going to breakup, do it face-to-face.  It builds character.

11.  Few teens have a hard time with the breakup and will display controlling or abusive behavior toward their ex.  They do this by sending enormous amount of text messages in a short period of time,  accessing their online accounts, impersonating someone else, deleted an ex's social media site, or uploaded embarrassing photos.  In extreme cases, they will also monitor their whereabouts through GPS technology. 
My Take:  This is very scary and parents do need to communicate with their teens to let them know they are there to support them and help them.

Needless to say, as more apps and social media sites are created, things will continue to change in how teens use technology in their romantic relationships.  Recently, national news has covered stories where teens were using stealthy technology to communicate with each other that would make any parent's blood run cold.  Don't panic.  Open communication with your teens will help them navigate this complicated landscape of dating and relationships.  Keep your kids close and keep their technology even closer!


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